In my life, you and I have talked over the phone since I was 6 at least once a week maybe once a month.. now you’re sick. Dying of kidney failure due to your disease.
You’re leaving your husband, which is understandable, he’s a train wreck. You’re also leaving behind a son, which in all means you’re leaving yet again another child for someone else to raise.
You left me and my sister when we were young, you left without so much of a goodbye and no one could find you for 3 months. You left us and now you’re leaving my baby brother behind.
You don’t want to come home because you found another man, who is probably not going to take care of you because he’s still married and no offense who wants to leave their wife in order to take care of someone who is sick?
You don’t have long and I know that. I just want you to be happy and enjoy the time you have left.
Overall I’ve seen you 4 times since I was 6.. Mother’s Day when I turned 16, the summer before papa died, my graduation, and 2 summers ago.
You left us. You left me. I had no one and I needed you. Nanny is now trying to be a mother to me, in which I can’t understand because I don’t know what it’s like to have a mother. I don’t know what it’s like to come home and be held by my mother when a guy breaks my heart or have her stand in the bleachers as I play my first soccer game.
I don’t know why I’m so angry but I am. You’re leaving your child behind once again. I know your disease doesn’t help your judgement, I know you can’t control that, but obviously you know right from wrong with everything else. You just leave the people that love you behind. I’m just exhausted trying to be a good daughter who understands and tries to be a good person.
I love you mom and I don’t want you to be sick. I don’t want you to die. I don’t want to lose my best friend. You mean a lot to me. I just can’t understand why you don’t want your kids, when we all wanted and needed you..
It’s hard to grasp, I guess. But I love you and maybe one day I’ll understand. Maybe one day I’ll forgive you.
Invisible Thought 